It’s funny how the world works sometimes. Life is extremely unpredictable. you never know when a situation will present itself to help change the way you think about things. It might be that you meet someone new that has a positive effect on you, an unexpected conversation, a random thought that pops into your head, or even someone just being themselves that opens your eyes to something by learning how they are. Life is a constant teacher and there’s lessons to be learned at all times.
It’s impossible to catch on to all of them, but I think the ones that are needed at any given time are there and will present themselves if we’re receptive to them. Or it’s all just chaos and we choose to look into things to make them mean what we want them to. I choose to try to make them mean something.
Anyways, someone recently has helped me with some of my personal growth, without even knowing it. I had a random conversation that naturally took its course but while talking there was a show of consideration from the other person that kind of threw me off. It’s not something that I’m used to, and more so it wasn’t a fluke but a show of that persons character. It’s something so simple but what that experience did was remind me that people like that still exist.
Not everyone in prison is a piece of shit, I’ve been blessed to have met some solid people in here with great character, but something like that was rare enough that it stood out to me. With it also being a show of this persons character what its done has helped make me more comfortable talking to this person.
As we continue to talk the more it seems to be just the thing I need at this point to help take me out of my, for the most part, anti-social and introverted mind state. Another thing about this person that has surprised me more than once is their understanding. It seems like everyone in here is opinionated to the point that they can’t see things past what they think and they’re so confident in their thoughts that it’s their reality, but their reality isn’t necessarily real. To be able to consider things past your own thoughts and what you know shows a sign of certain intelligence and is also something rare.
There are only a handful of people who I talk to, but I always look forward to talking to this person because with everyone else it’s almost like when we talk there’s a specific reason for it, an agenda, topic, or conversation we plan to have. With this person it’s almost always naturally random, but surprisingly insightful and helpful. Our conversations don’t always revolve around prison either, which is refreshing. Because of all of these circumstances it’s helped me to be able to be more comfortable in talking to people in general.
That’s not to say that I’m turning into a social butterfly, but what it’s doing is helping me to remember how to interact with people so that way I can if I choose to. As structured and disciplined as I am, I’m also embracing being more adaptable because of the seemingly random way my talking to this person comes about and what it’s done for me so far.
I’m used to being so logical that if there’s no reason for something, I don’t do it, and because I’m used to not looking to anyone for help that doesn’t give me a reason to do anything.
I still believe that that mentality applies to a lot of things and it still has its usefulness in achieving some goals, but I can also understand how being like that all the time can keep certain doors closed and could cause me to miss out on something that might be helpful.
All in all, I’m on the path that I wanted to be in growing as a person and that’s something that means to me and it’s something positive that I’m happy to write about. I might let this person read this one day so they know how appreciative and grateful I am of what our interaction has done for me and to thank them.
I’ve realized that in order to be helped or cared about I have to be willing to allow those things. I know that I’ve come to a place where I’m willing to accept help. I’ve talked before about wanting a girl in my life and at that time I think what I wanted was the idea of it. I’m confident that I’m ready to be able to allow someone to care about me without letting my extreme sense of pride and independence get in the way.
Life is beginning to feel a little more normal. A lot of aspects of a relationship that people work on are still there even though someone’s locked up, so I could see how even though a lot of these guys are locked up their relationships provide a certain sense of normalcy and help keep their life from being defined as being a prisoner, like I talked about in my last post, because they have something important that transcends being in prison.
I can only hope that in the near future I can continue have more positive things to write about.