There’s been a lot of things going on in my life and around the world, that’ve just had me thinking about what’s fair and what’s unfair… what’s righteous and what’s unjust. Which had me talking about my Mother, (who is the greatest & most conscientious woman I know, by a mile) in my recent post, where I asked, “when is enough, really enough?”
Where I touched a little bit on the incessant attacks on her physical, mental, emotional & financial well-being. Surprisingly, after all that, her faith/spiritual well-being is the only thing that hasn’t been affected. On the contrary, it’s probably higher than ever… with the belief that her God would never give her more than she can handle. And even when I may agree with her… that belief is still challenged when I see the whole picture of what’s happening to such a faith-filled and genuinely good person.
Unfortunately, I understand that a lot of the assaults to her mental & emotional well-being have come predominantly from years of witnessing her only child’s MANY poor decisions (MY poor decisions)… capped-off by watching me be sentenced to spend Life in prison. Which was then compounded by the fact that she also chooses (too often), to take on the guilt from many of my sins. Over the years I’ve been forced to take an honest & real look at my faults & actions, that directly contributed to her hardships and pain… especially when I wanna get mad and turn my anger to blame others, for what’s happened… I have to remind myself that I’ve arguably been the leading cause, for most of her sadness & pain!
Then – financially – there’s the fact that she had to quit a job she loved (she was convinced to just resign, after 10+ years, by her boss), because she didn’t feel safe, at 71 years old, working as a receptionist/ greeter/ temperature-tester at the front door of the adult-home she worked… during a Pandemic!! This is a fact that’s just pissed me off… how you could force someone out, instead of having the same concerns for her health amidst all that’s been going on. Of course, they probably just thought it would save them a couple dollars, I’m sure… which is a general motive to most actions these days.
And now she finds her physical well-being under attack AGAIN! She’s found that the cancer she fought last year has spread and attacked, yet another area of her body. This is now her 3rd battle with cancer and even though I know she’s strong and won her previous battles with this… how many battles should one body have to fight?! . So, God-willing she’s able to successfully fight off this deadly-attack, for the 3rd time, which will then lead me to ask the question again… when will enough, finally be enough??!!
Ya know, I used something personal as an example because it’s the biggest thing in my life right now… but it’s really just one example, that I’m sure MANY people can relate to. Because who hasn’t had someone they love or someone close to them, who just continued to catch a bad hand in life, no matter what they’ve done?! Honestly, you can just go on any news network, sports network… basically ANY TV channel or social media outlet and see the unfairness that continues to plague our society. Unfair and/or unjust acts being perpetrated, on almost a daily basis. It just continues to challenge my beliefs in the Karmic way of thought; the do-good/ get-good way of thinking, and believing that everything happens for a reason. I mean, I fail to see the “reasons” in the senseless and blatant suffering & deaths of so many good & innocent people. Whether it be through the destructive-touch of some natural-disaster, a global-pandemic, crime against innocents, or at the hand of those people who are meant to protect our lives & liberties… I can’t make it make sense!
What I’ve been struggling to figure out is what formula is being used to determine the fates people suffer? Is it something of a random design? Is it truly something set by the design, that everything happens for some cosmic-reason? Or is that there’s no design at all and we’re kinda just freestyling through this life?! I’m really beginning to believe that we’re just freestyling this shit. See I was raised to believe in God’s plan and over time I began to adopt a few other outlooks and perspectives to my “spirituality”… but I’ll be damned if some of the shit that happens doesn’t try to deter those beliefs.
Look, I try to live my life by creating good energy and good Karma… cuz I’ve created more than a lifetimes worth of bad, for both of those! I’m just trying to grasp the process that continues to throw so much negative at those people, who are undeniably putting out so much better than what they’re receiving in return! Maybe it’s not for me to know though?! All I can do is continue to try and put out good energy, and do good to try and bank some good Karma… I’m sure that while I’m in here, there will be a day to come that I’ll need draw some out.
Maybe there’s a design, and maybe there’s not?! I know it doesn’t change all the unjust things that are happening in the world or our lives, but what bad could possibly come from doing some good?! And maybe it’s that good that WE do, that’ll be the action or energy that’ll positively affect someone else who’s been receiving some of that unfair-unjustness. Example: I can go back to the mental & emotional sufferings, that came from my negative actions. Because as much positivity and goodness as she fills her life with, it was MY poor decisions and negative actions that caused negativity in her life. Through no fault of her own! I could’ve single-handedly removed or prevented that pain & sadness, that I gave her in the 1st place. I was truly counterproductive to all the positivity she filled her life with. I was her bad Karma… as many people are to those out there, who receive the unfairness and injustices we see everyday.
So, if we apply that way of thinking, where we see unfair & unjust actions… this would be the 1st step to creating fair & just behaviors. This small effort, if done on a larger scale, could bring absolute change to the majority of injustices we see in our society every day. Example: If the people in positions of authority would just view ALL people as someone they care for and want do good for… then that would almost certainly eliminate many of the injustices we see happening between police and civilians now!
I mean you do good for someone else, then they receive good… you do bad, then you become BREAKING NEWS! What could it hurt, right? Just a thought… and most likely one that will be discarded, even if its heard. All I can say is that sometimes we have to create our own design, and in doing so, it’ll carry over to affect others. I know I can’t direct weather or natural-disasters, disease, or death, but I sure as hell can affect the energy I put out, the decisions I make, and the actions that follow! So, all I can do is go forward making the effort to create positivity in my life, with the hope of creating positivity for those around me! And this world definitely needs more positive energy and healing… no matter who decides or designs it!